It is not always fun to go shopping with a two-year-old, but it is even more challenging to go with twins. I haven’t figured it out yet why supermarkets always trigger this two-year-old syndrome. Their horizontal protests on the supermarket floor gave me the chance to practice my parenting skills. But when everything in theory failed, I also tried bribing with chocolate and lying next to them on the floor. But nothing worked; they were just glued to the floor like pink chewing gum.

Tasmanian devils

On more than one occasion, I went home without any groceries and two children chatting happily to each other as if nothing had happened. What could have been a lovely dinner in a restaurant, turned out to be a disaster. When I explained to them that we can’t run around and have to use our inside voices in the restaurant, they think it’s totally okay to do the exact opposite. – I said, “please stop screaming! People want to enjoy their dinner here.” What they heard was “please scream at the top of your longs and run around like Tasmanian devils!”

Mood swings

There is not an exact date of when these mood swings start or end. My girls
started just before they turned two and even now they are four years old we have syndrome flashbacks. Every child is different and needs a different approach.

Here are some tips and strategies of how I dealt with terrible twos:

• Calm down one of the twins first
  When they’re both lying on the floor screaming, I focus my attention on one of the twins first. (Usually the one I can convince the easiest at that time.) That already saves half the stress and after that, you have more time to calm down or distract your other child as well. Most of the time, her sister would control her meltdown quickly since they imitate each other in behavior and emotions very often.

• Show understanding
  It sounds crazy but when I try to understand my toddlers’ emotions during a tantrum, they usually change their mood back to normal. I ask them questions like: “I see you are angry because you can’t have another ice cream.” And I also explain to them why not. Because two-year-olds think there’s no limit for the amount of ice cream, they can eat. After quite some time they somehow try to express their feelings in a normal way. Not immediately, it takes time. If this doesn’t work, I just wait until they calm down.

• Distract attention
  Sometimes when I notice that they both get cranky, I try to distract them with toys or things to look at. “Look there’s a pink cat with blue dots crossing the street”! At least I get them occupied until we reach the supermarket. Always works. Well almost. And sometimes it is better to let your children rage instead of trying to prevent the tantrum because they can let go of their emotions. The great thing about this is that they don’t have to deal with these emotions at night and sleep better as a result.

Unconditional love

My girls continuously compete with each other, and they try to get as much attention from me and their dad at the same time. So I found it more difficult to teach them rules than their older brother. Apparently, the need to be loved by the parents is less, after all, they have the unconditional love of each other.

Nights were really fragmented

When they started to wake up many times during the night, and when the colic started, we began to take them in bed with us, to be able to hold and comfort them. They didn’t always wake up at the same time, so our nights were really fragmented. But we made it through. I remember one specific morning. It was very early, the sun was just coming up. S was sleeping peacefully in my arms, and M was near his daddy. I remember thinking how incredible it was that we had pulled that night through. I mean, it had been exhausting, but that wasn’t what I was feeling. I just enjoyed that beautiful sunrise and couldn’t wait to have some coffee. Of course not all mornings were like that. Sleep deprivation did take its toll eventually.

Sleeping in separate cribs

When they got a little bigger, we started to put them in separate cribs. That wasn’t a very successful attempt. Not only did they not like sleeping in the cribs, but also we missed having them close to us. Babies really are an addiction. They may destroy your sleep and turn you into a zombie, but when they do sleep it’s the most peaceful and beautiful thing possible. Not to mention they used to roll over and try to find us in bed, trying to feel us. Then, before they were 1 year old, things got a bit more complicated. My husband’s job forced him to be out of the country for several months in a row, so I was alone with the babies at home. I tried to find the best strategy for sleeping time, especially considering their mobility and energy were pretty big by then. My hope was, again, that they would sleep in their cribs. So we placed our bed in the middle and their cribs on each side. Very feng shui, as you can imagine. I had a brave dream, to place them in their cribs, give them their bottles and wait for them to drink their milk and then go to sleep by themselves. And that worked. Once! It was such a memorable evening!

Night time picnic with twins

After that glorious time, the sleeping time hostilities began. After various attempts and the death of many of my brain cells, I finally found a solution. It was far from pretty, but it worked. I used to lay a blanket on the floor in the living room and have sort of a night time picnic. My husband helped a lot, because he had taught S to drink his milk on the sofa and go to sleep by himself. That didn’t work with M, though. So I put him to sleep rocking him on my legs while S was finding his perfect spot on the blanket beside me. That took a while, but in the end they did fall asleep. And then I would gently carry them to their cribs. The really fun part was when they would wake up hungry during the night. I would
place them in the same crib and go prepare their formula while they were furiously crying in the background. When I came back with the bottles, they were like two chubby baby birds waiting to be fed.

Magical moments that won’t come back

That feng shui arrangement began to fail when they realized they can climb the crib and come into bed with me. So the cribs stayed for a while as safety barriers, to make sure they didn’t fall during the night. But at some point they disappeared. Now S and M are 3 years old and still sleep with us. It’s crowded and sometimes uncomfortable, and I know at some point they will have to sleep in their own beds, but I don’t want that moment to come too soon. I read that there are studies that show that it is really good for children to sleep in the same bed as their parents until the age of 3. I think it’s amazing and useful for the parents as well. These are magical moments that won’t come back. They are growing so fast and this intimacy will soon change or fade. So I love this uncomfortable arrangement, because I can hear their breath and feel their sweet smell, and that is my pure happiness.

Physical discomfort was causing stress

Postnatal care of both mother and child goes a long way in determining their future well being. Since I was freshly sutured and still under my anesthesia, I was shown a glimpse of my children and was wheeled into my room for recovery. The children were in incubation, and I was recovering. My family ensured that my first day at the hospital was pleasant. The first twin weighed 2.5 kilograms (5lbs, 8oz) and the second twin 2 kilograms (4lbs, 6oz). They looked small to average weight, but there were two so that has to be kept in mind. With the anesthesia wearing off my physical discomfort was causing me a little stress.

Breastfeeding became the biggest game changer

Lactation becomes the biggest game changer after your delivery. My questions were “Will I be able to feed them both?” “Is there something that I can supplement their nutrition with, if I’m not lactating enough?” Yes, it is natural, and nature provides in abundance when the provider is nourished physically and mentally. New mothers such as me don’t anticipate these situations. In retrospect I feel I could have done better, if I was counselled and encouraged better. Creating a very positive environment and a happy one helps in these crucial moments. If handled well, this will help reduce a lot of postnatal depression. Every pregnancy comes with its risks and complications. I was fortunate to be looked after by a good medical team and a supportive family.

Time spent in the hospital is important

The babies had routine medical check-ups, and vaccinations were done during this period of stay in the hospital. The time spent in the hospital with the children is important to educate and acclimatize the mother and the care givers to the new lives. I personally took advantage of this postnatal care to enrich and nourish myself for the future challenges.