Anxiousness of a different kind

Years ago when they started pre-school the anxiousness was of a different kind. Nevertheless these are phases every parent should anticipate and stay prepared. Children grow physically, mentally and emotionally so do parents along with them. Preparing a child to face these changes is important. Personally I feel the more preparedness the parent shows, the better it is for the child. Anticipating and accepting transitory phases of childhood, teenage years and early adulthood of any child should be natural and inevitable for any parent.

Becoming socially independent

During the pre-school years leaving home for school for a few hours was an equally big task in comparison in leaving home today for higher education. Adjusting to a new environment and becoming socially independent was my main area of focus then. Academics was secondary. As I was always of the opinion that a good environment provided will enable learning. Helping my twins develop a healthy and positive attitude to school, friends and teachers was very important.

Good and bad days at school

There have been good and bad days at school, sharing those experiences at home and giving a positive perspective was my role as a mother. I have tried to avoid exposing them to too much negatives but throwing caution to the wind they have always been kept aware of the dangers and frailties of the world outside their home. The mother is the best teacher, and most children naturally endorse anything a mother says. An educated mother can transform not only her child but the entire. In a country like India today, educating a girl child is of utmost importance not only for the  economy but critical for aforesaid reasons.

Being together and facing hurdles

There have been many instances where one twin has comprehended and handled situations better – but being together and facing hurdles brings about a balance. This eternal equilibrium is what twins are blessed with. Twins naturally tend to prioritize each other and their needs before anything else. This characteristic nature is highly beneficial especially if parents and caregivers are not around. Having help around always helps ease the burden of any difficulty.

Face challenges in this world

As twins move forward in life they learn this balancing act of prioritizing each other always. Differences in opinion and arguments are bound to be a part of everyone’s life, but even more important is the problem solving capacity and the support system they build for each other. So I can be assured that my twins who are definitely going to face challenges in this world are better equipped because they have one another for support. ALL THE BEST to them and me as well!!!

Almost like they were deaf

The first year, for the most part, seemed like it was normal. However, in actuality, most of it was a blur. After all, it was just my daughter and me taking care of them due to the father’s chosen absence. No, he didn’t just up and go; he lived in the same household. He was just never present, and that was not a bad thing. When my rambunctious boys hit the age of two, I began to wonder what was going on. They did not speak, and it was almost like they were deaf. I made doctor appointments. After speaking with the pediatrician, I was still unsatisfied. I did not believe that they were behind mentally due to being twins or premature. It just didn’t make sense. I began to look into their ‘symptoms’ myself.

A lump was caught in my throat

Article after article, book after book; I kept seeing a theme. The theme was hard to swallow, but it was still the only reason why my children were not like others; autism. I remember when the thought hit me. It was like a lump was caught in my throat. I couldn’t breathe, and my eyes began to swell with tears. It couldn’t be.
Here it is three years later, and describing the realization is bringing tears to my eyes now. Those feelings of guilt and fear; they do not go away. Some can deal with it better than others, but I guess I am just not one of those lucky ones. Here are a couple of tips I use.

What to remind yourself

You need to remind yourself that no matter how you feel, you did not cause your child to be autistic. You need to hear those words, “It’s not your fault”. I am telling you this now; it’s not your fault. I know just like you do that these feelings are crippling, but you need to stand strong.

Take time for yourself

I am extremely guilty of thinking this. I have trained myself to think that if my eyes are open and I am able to move, then I should be doing something for my children. You are not ignoring your child if you go take a hot shower or even watch an episode of your favorite show. You need down time in order to re-coop to continue being the rockstar parent you are; have a seat. Although there are many more issues that come with a diagnosis, these are the top two. You need to take your feelings very seriously, and if you feel depressed to seek help. Having one child with autism is hard, now imagine having two; most can’t.

Read more about twins and autism

What is Autism Spectrum Disorder?

Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) is a range of conditions classified as neuro-developmental disorders. It’s characterized by social-interaction difficulties, communication challenges and a tendency to engage in repetitive behaviors. These difficulties can be mild, severe or somewhere in between. It occurs in all ethnic and socioeconomic groups.

How common is Autism Spectrum Disorder?

In 2018, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention issued the ADDM autism prevalence report. The report concluded that the prevalence of autism had risen to 1 in every 59 births in the United States. More boys than girls are diagnosed with autism. Boys are four times more likely to be identified with Autism Specter Disorder than girls.

What causes autism?

There’s an ongoing debate whether genetics or the environment play the biggest part in autism. There have been contradictory studies, and the medical community are still looking into the causes of autism. Some believe that genetics play a major role, whereas others look more to the environment or a combination of the two.

Twins autism study

A twin autism study, published in the Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorder, concluded that high levels of autism symptoms are genetic. That’s especially the case for children who show extreme symptoms in the areas of social communication skills and repetitive behaviors.

California autism twins study

Another twin autism study came to a different conclusion. A California autism twins study found that the environment played a significant part. Fraternal twins, who share the same environment before birth, but aren’t more genetically similar than ordinary siblings, were more likely to both have an autism spectrum disorder.

Are twins with autism common?

Some studies have found a higher rate of autism among twins – both identical and fraternal twins. Other studies have not been able to find a clear link concluding that being twins isn’t a substantial risk factor for being diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorders.

What if one twin is diagnosed with autism?

The probability that both twins will have autism is observed in twin studies to be 60 to 90 percent among identical twins. For fraternal twins it’s 3 to 31 percent. However, there’s still a lot of unknowns when it comes to twins and autism. New twin studies in relation to Autism Spectrum Disorders are continuously being published.

Books about twins – for mom

There are quite a few twin pregnancy books for expectant twin mothers out there. Some also cover the first few years with twins.

What to Do When You’re Having Two:

This twin pregnancy book takes you through twin pregnancy in a well-written, fun style. It gives you advice on how to get comfortable when you’re struggling being pregnant with twins and how to handle all the questions and comments you’re likely to receive when people learn that you’re expecting twins. The author also shares her own twin birth story. 

Holy Sh*t…I’m Having Twins!: The Definitive Guide to Remaining Calm When You’re Twice as Freaked Out

This book on twins is the third edition of the best-selling “Ready or Not…Here We Come! The REAL Experts’ Guide to the First Year with Twins” expecting twins book. It’s been updated, re-titled, and new information is added. It’s a girlfriend’s guide to the first year with twins and is filled with funny practical shortcuts, real-world strategies, and clever advice. It covers breastfeeding, what to buy, marriage, handling unsolicited advice about raising twins and getting twins on a schedule. Read about the author.

Ready or Not…There We Go!: The REAL Experts’ Guide to the Toddler Years with Twins

This book about twins is the sequel to “Holy Sh*t…I’m Having Twins!” It’s for twin moms who are past the baby stages and are about to begin the toddlers years with twins. This funny tell-it-like-it-is guide covers how to manage tantrums x 2, childproofing, gear, maintaining your marriage and having another baby. Read about the author.

Multiples Illuminated: A Collection of Stories And Advice From Parents of Twins, Triplets and More

This book about twins is a collection of stories from different parents of multiples. It covers topics like infertility and hope, finding out and coping with a twin pregnancy, twin birth stories and stories from the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU). You get advice on breastfeeding from other twin moms as well as insight into the newborn, baby and toddlers stages.

Multiples Illuminated: Life with Twins and Triplets, the Toddler to Tween Years

This book on twins is the sequel to the “Multiples Illuminated: A Collection of Stories And Advice From Parents of Twins, Triplets and More.” Stories from 21 parents of multiples takes you through the different stages of parenting from the toddler to tween years. Among other things, you’ll read about the relationship between multiples and their siblings and starting school. 

Twinspiration: Real-Life Advice from Pregnancy through the First Year and Beyond

This book about twins is a hybrid of a prescriptive “how-to” guidebook and an intimate diary. It’s written by a twin mom and revolve around twin pregnancy and the first year with twin babies. However, being the second edition, it’s been updated with thoughts on toilet training toddler twins, and some essayed glimpses of life with twins beyond that first year. The author and her husband also give their responses to questions most-asked. Read more about the author and the book. 

The Multiples Manual: Preparing and Caring for Twins or Triplets

This book is written by an identical twin who is the mother of triplets and a singleton. It’s written to  help make the day-to-day challenges with multiples easier. It includes 1,002 tips that are guaranteed to simplify life, save time – and even save money. The author has written several books about twins and runs an online business at justmultiples.com. She has her own clothing brand designed exclusively for twins.

Books about twins – for dad

There are a few books out there targeted to twin dads or couples expecting twins.

Dads Guide to Twins: How to Survive the Twin Pregnancy and Prepare for Your Twins

This book about twins is written by a twin dad from the U.S. who was terrified, when he found out that twins were joining his family. It’s a guide targeted to soon-to-be twin fathers on how to prepare for the arrival of twins. It covers the financial aspects of having twins as well as the practical and emotional side of a possible difficult pregnancy and caring for two newborns at once. 

Dad’s Guide to Raising Twins: How to Thrive as a Father of Twins

This book on twins is the sequel to “Dad’s Guide to Twins.” It’s for the twin father who has brought his twins home from the hospital. It focuses on what to expect and how to handle the babies during the first couple of years and beyond. It covers topics like work, personal and family life, getting your babies to sleep through the night, feeding, siblings, potty training and travelling with twins. 

Twins: A Survival Guide for Dads

 This book on having twins is written by a twin dad from the UK. It has sections on all aspects of pregnancy, birth and the first few years with twins. It’s written in a humorous tone targeted at soon-to-be fathers with attention deficits. It’s written in short sections and is an easy-read.

Expecting Twins? (One Born Every Minute)

This book about twins is written for couples who are expecting twins. It’s written by a professor and consultant in fetal medicine from the UK. His co-author is the Director of the Multiple Births Foundation.  It covers all aspects of a twin pregnancy – from conception, pregnancy, potential problems, birth and the first year with twins. 

Books about twins – for children

There are several great books about twins targeted to children. Some books are well-suited for celebrating twindom and addressing some of the unique issues and challenges twins may face. Other books are targeted to siblings of twins. Reading a book can be a nice way to prepare older siblings for twins and help them balance their expectations. Books can also serve as an effective tool to initiate conversations and talk to children about their feelings and thoughts.

My Babies, My Twins Big Sister

This children’s book about twins is written for the 2-5 age range. It’s targeted to a girl who’ll soon be the big sister of twins.  It contains all the things she should anticipate about her mum’s hospital stay, when the babies come home, and what she can do with the babies. It’s written in a reinforcing tone, assuring the older sibling that there’s love for everyone. Read about the author.

My Babies, My Twins Big Brother

This children’s book about twins is written for the 2-5 age range and is for the boy who’ll soon be a big brother to twins. It’s the counterpart to the “My Babies, My Twins Big Sister” book. It covers all the stuff a young boy should know about his mums hospital stay, and what he should anticipate when the babies are brought home from the hospital. It’s a good choice if you’d like to prepare your son on the arrival of twins. Read about the author.

The Twins New Baby

This children’s book about twins is written for the 2-5 age range and is targeted to twins who anticipate a new sibling. A pair of boy/girl twins are getting a younger sibling. The book highlights facts about mums hospital stay and changes at home with the addition of a new baby. Read about the author.

Twins in Summer

This children’s book featuring boy/girl twins is written for the 2-8 age range. It can be read aloud or serve as a great book for beginning readers. It follows twins through a busy summer day. It’s written as a poem and plays with words that rhyme with twin. Read about the author.

Zoe in Double Trouble

This children’s book is written from the dog Zoe’s perspective. She usually has her owner all to herself but that changes when identical twin girls join the family. The book is written by a twin mom who’s a teacher with a Master’s Degree in Education. 

The Twiniest Twins

This children’s book about twins is written for the 2-6 age range and features boy/girl twins. It’s a great choice if you’d like to spark a conversation with your children about how they can be individuals and still share a special twin bond. It’s also a good way to address some of the situations and comments your twins will receive because of being twins. Read more.

Lucy and Henry Are Twins

This children’s book is about Lucy and Henry who are fraternal boy/girl twins. They have fun together, but they don’t always do things the same way. You follow them having fun together a day in the park. It’s written by Elizabeth Winthrop, and illustrations are done by Jane Massey. 

Got a great book about twins, you’d like to share with us? Please let us know in the comment field below this article or write us at [email address=”kate@about-twins.com”][/email].

Leaving my babies with strangers

I was also worried because the twins were very attached to me, even dependent I could say. I didn’t mean for that to happen. Quite the opposite, I wanted them to be brave and independent, but that ended like any other plan I had made about them… not my way! Still, I had a small ray of hope. I thought that because they had each other, the transition would be easier, they would feel less abandoned. Abandoned! Yes, that word created a deep scar in my soul. It broke my heart and twisted my brain to leave my small, sweet babies with strangers. Just like any other parent feels, of course. Except they weren’t babies anymore, no matter how hard it was for their stressed out mommy to accept.

Drunk with joy and optimism

Part of the stress was finding the right preschool for them. We had decided we didn’t want a private one, because those provided by the state were better from our point of view. But there was a lot of competition to find a place for them. It felt so ridiculous to compete like that as if they were applying to Harvard. We get so agitated and fight our way into something our kids don’t even want. And it’s just the beginning, I don’t even want to imagine what it would be like when they go to school. Anyway, the place was chosen, the bags and lunch boxes were bought, the enthusiastic speeches had been repeated for weeks in front of a not so warm audience. And then the first day came. And it was amazing! Our twins saw all the toys and the other kids and didn’t want to go home. We went home drunk with joy and optimism.

All hell broke loose

And then came the second day and reality kicked in. Of course they loved the first day, it was like a visit at the playground. And, most importantly, WE were there with them. When they saw we had left, all hell broke loose. What followed was an intense experience for everyone. They cried, they screamed while twisting and kicking on the floor. We tried leaving them only for an hour, until they got used to it. It didn’t work. And then their teacher had the right idea. She suggested we kept them at home for a month, until the other kids adjusted, and maybe when they didn’t see others cry anymore they would accept it easier. And it worked. Well, they still cried but only for a few minutes when we left. I was right about one thing, though. Having each other really helped. When the teacher said they took each other’s hands and went to the back of the room to play together, it warmed my heart and broke it at the same time. My two little ones standing by each other, facing a
strange new world.

Kids are awesome

There was another thing that really helped. The other children! These days, my boys cannot wait to get there, and I saw why. Their classmates great them with such joy, they hug them and are actually happy to see them. It seems because they are the youngest ones, the others take extra care of them. What can I say? Kids are awesome! I like to say that to the other parents, so they can feel even more proud of their children. Finally, thanks to a group effort, preschool is a happy place for us!

My twins keep an eye on each other

In the beginning my twins asked for a lot of attention in the area of nutrition and care. As soon as they got older, they started to demand more and more attention from an educational point of view. Giving enough attention to each child is still something I struggle with. My twins constantly keep an eye on each other. Whenever I give them a carrot, they look which one is bigger. When I say “I love you” to one twin, her sister says “but you don’t love me.”

Tips on dealing with twin jealousy

• One-on-one time. Sometimes my girls want to spend time with only me, but they find it difficult to separate from each other at the same time. So I convinced them one would spend a day with me and the other with daddy or a favorite family friend. This way everybody gets to do what they truly want without making compromises.

• Pay attention to the similarities and differences. Same but different. They have the same age and shoe size but are different in character. One is more interested in music and dancing, and the other is more into drawing and painting. We talk about these differences.

• Talk about how to deal with feelings of jealousy. When one of the girls has a high fever, and I have to give her medicine, her sister gets jealous and pretends she has a fever too. When they were smaller, I was able to fool them with a spoon of water. After explaining over and over again that the strawberry-flavored fever reducing meds are not the same as apple juice, they seem to understand better now.

• I let my children settle their own differences. I noticed, when I tried to interfere in their fights, that they became a team forgetting what the fight was about, and I ended up being the enemy. Unless the fight gets physical, I ask them to come up with a solution. This usually works out positively.

Days are long, years are short

It’s true what they say, the days are long but the years are short. There are moments that I am too tired to wash them or brush their hair. But at some point there will be a last time you help your child in the shower or help them put their shoes on. Eventually, they will want to do it on their own. We will certainly miss all these things that makes us tired now. So with this in mind, I do read them bedtime stories as much as I can although I’m tired. To all the struggling twin mothers, you are doing great, and keep in mind, that every phase your child is going through is temporary.

How do you deal with twin jealousy? Please leave a reply and let us know!

Personalized picture frames for twins

Collage Picture Frames

You can add more picture frames to this design so you get room for 2-5 photos. The frames come in many different designs and sizes. They are made of silver aluminium. In this picture you have 2 photos of 4 x 6 inches (10 x 15 cm) each. They can be free standing or mounted on the wall. The overall frame dimensions are 10 x 7 inches (25 x 17 cm). The back of the frame is covered in a black velvet.
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Quote & Names Photo Frame

You can add your twins names to this cute frame. The size of the frame is 8″x10″ and it holds a 4 “x 6” photo. It comes in an ivory marble frame. You can get a cherry frame as well, and you can also get it in the colors pink, blue and black. The quote says: “Two little blessings sent from above, twice the smiles and twice the love.”

Personalized twin baby photo frame

This 5×7″ scalloped custom picture frame comes in 30 different colors. It can be personalized with the names of your twins. You can choose to embellish it with flowers or bows. It’s hand-painted using high-quality paint.

Scan picture photo frame

All picture frames are decorated with patterned paper on top and sealed for permanent protection. They are not painted. They can stand on a desk or be mounted on the wall. There are 16 different designs to choose from. The frames can hold 4 x 6 and 5 x 7 photo sizes. The text or quote can be customized and comes in black text only.

Photo frames for twins with a theme

Two Peas in a Pod Twins Frame

This ceramic and metal photo frame is perfect for twins. It measures 7 5/8″ x 3 5/8″ and holds two 2″ x 2″ photos. The frame comes boxed in a decorative “Love Times Two” gift box. It also comes with felt backing and glass inserts.

Two Elephants Photo Frame

This cute picture frame has an elephant theme and comes with a rhyme: “More than one… is just more fun.” The photo frame can stand on a desk or be mounted on the wall. It has room for one 4″ x 6″ photograph.

Photo frames for twins with a poem

2 Babies Love Frame

This classic 4×6 double white tabletop frame has space for a 4×6 photograph. The poem says: “2 babies created and carried with love, a family twice blessed from above. 2 babies born to waiting hearts, both loved so deeply from the start. 2 babies smile to let the world see, how special their bond will always be. 2 babies grow as siblings and friends, a bond of love that never ends.”

Twice the Smiles Wooden Frame

This photo frame for twins is designed in natural wood. The poem is carved into the frame. The picture frame measures: 7 1/2″ x 9 1/2″ and holds a 5″ x 7″ photo. It has a glass front and a back stand easel. It also comes with wall-hanging clips. All frames are hand-crafted. The poem says: “Twice the smile, twice the love, twice the blessings from above.”

Twin Hearts Photo Frame

This frame can go on the wall or be placed on a desk. There’s room for two 3×3 photographs of the babies. The first verse of the poem sounds: “Awed to be expecting twins, A mother’s journey now begins. Blessed with heaven’s gift of two, I fell in love with both of you. You can read the full poem here. It comes with two envelopes on the back of the frame so you can write the babies a note.

Photo frames for twins with a quote

Twins Star Picture Frame

This photo frame for twins come in a resin frame with the word “twins” over the photo. It has little stars on it. The dimensions are: 16 cm. (height), 19 cm. (wide) and 2 cm (depth). It can hold a 5″ x 3.5″ photograph.

Miracles Photo Frame

This picture frame for twins can stand on its own with an easel back. You can choose between a black or a wooden frame. It’s designed for a 4”H x 6”W photo.

Twice Blessed Photo Frame

This picture frame can stand and has a triangle hanger for mounting on the wall as well. It holds 4″ x 6″ photos and the frame measures 8″ x 7″. It’s made of ceramic, metal and glass.

Limited effect of classroom separation for twins in school

The researchers looked at academic achievement, several cognitive abilities and motivational measures. The children were evaluated between the ages of 7 to 16 years. The results showed that there was very limited positive or negative effect of classroom separation on twins’ achievement, cognitive ability and motivation. Canadian twins at age 12 and British twins at age 16 were slightly more similar on achievement if placed in the same classroom, with slightly greater similarity among monozygotic twins than dizygotic twins. Monozygotic twins are identical twins, and dizygotic twins are fraternal.

Rigid guidelines should not keep twins separated in school

The researchers stressed that the few effects found were weak. It remains unclear whether they result from classroom separation or other factors. The researchers recommend that policymakers should not impose rigid guidelines to separate twins in school. The choice of whether to educate twins together or separately should be up to parents, twins and teachers, in response to the children’s individual needs.

Fathers struggle most with attachment to preterm sons

The study included 245 fathers and mothers who lived together. 190 of the babies were born preterm and 100 at term. 45 of them were twin pairs. The mother was the primary caregiver in all families. The children in the study were between 12 and 36 months old. All families were Austrian middle-class. The study found that both parents had a less secure attachment to children born preterm compared to the children born at term. The researchers also discovered that fathers, especially, struggle with attachment issues when they have preterm sons.

Attachment is related to development

For fathers of children born at term, attachment was not related to the gender of the child or to the fathers education. It was related positively to the child’s development. This association was also found in preterm children, suggesting that, for fathers, the interaction with less developed children is more difficult than with more developed children. However, for fathers with preterm children, less education, lower development scores and male gender were associated with lower attachment scores. Male gender of the babies were associated with lower attachment scores for children born preterm with both parents.

Having twins doesn’t affect the level of attachment

No significant effect was found on parent-child attachment in the families who had twins. The results indicate that having two premature children compared to one don’t affect attachment negatively or positively. The researchers recommended that parents of children born preterm should receive special attention and help from health care providers. That especially goes for fathers without an academic education who have sons with lower development scores. Especially gender-typed expectations or ideas about children’s development and behavior should be addressed as part of the work with both parents, but in particular with fathers.

Read about about how to support dads who have babies in the NICU.

*Child and Adolescent Social Work Journal (CASW) features articles that focus on social work practice with children, adolescents and their families.

Greatest amongst poorer children

The researchers found the the quality of the parents’ relationship was clearly related to children’s externalizing problems at ages three and five. They also found that a reported warm relationship between a mother and her child does not reduce the harmful effects of a conflictual relationship between parents, but a coinciding conflictual relationship between mother and child makes the externalizing behavior worse. The effect of parents’ relationship quality is the same for children from different ethnic and marital status backgrounds as well as for the mother’s education and the children’s genders. However, it is greatest amongst children from a poor background.

Help parents achieve a better relationship

At age five, poor children with the lowest level of parents’ relationship quality have an externalizing score of 7.21 while poor children with the highest level have a score of 4.16; a three point difference. In contrast, among children from a wealthier background, those with the lowest level of parent relationship quality have an externalizing score of 6.16 while those with the highest level have a score of 4.01; a difference of 2.15 points. The researchers concluded that policies and intervention programs that help parents achieve a better relationship are likely to be beneficial for children from different family contexts, but especially for those from poor families.